The Sober Parent – Episode 232

Are you the sober parent in an alcoholic family? What challenges have you faced? How has recovery helped you? * What challenges do you face as the sober parent? * Keeping your children safe * Making decisions about how to parent. What happens when you disagree? * Taking everything on. * Anger, rage and anxiety. * “Parenting” your spouse? * Jealousy/resentment of the “fun parent.” * Attributing all “problems” to alcoholism. * Decision-making. * Not know what “normal” is.  Or what “healthy” is. * Trying to parent together when you don’t feel strong in your marriage… or when its actually breaking/broken. * Protecting anonymity while being honest on medical and education paperwork for my children * Traveling for work and setting expectations for care of our kids knowing I really have no control over whether or not my wishes/expectations are upheld * Not having control. Allowing kids to ride in the car or even just be at home alone with the alcoholic parent. * How did you react to these before recovery? * Resentment – LOTS * Snide, snarky comments to spouse, spitefulness * Anger, particularly misdirected anger * Guilt and self-loathing * Exhaustion * Apathy * Depression * All or nothing attitude/perspective * Relentless pursuit of “agreement” or seeing my viewpoint * Lack of trust * How has recovery changed the way in which you face these challenges? * Living one day/one hour/one minute at a time. * Setting boundaries * Focus on myself… self-care, self-inventory, stay in my hula hoop * Crazy thought train doesn’t stay as long * Awareness of my anxiety and anger * Learning to pause. * Not as hard on myself * I don’t always feel compelled to make decisions right away * I’m learning to let go of outcomes * I’m learning the difference between true issues/problems and simply unmet expectations * I apply program to my actions on a daily basis (first things first, how important is it, HALT, etc.) * What is a typical day like now? * More loving behavior with my spouse. * More patience * Make amends to my kids whenever necessary * I hear from my Higher Power through my children * More loving and accepting of myself and more compassionate toward my spouse, which creates a more peaceful environment * Imperfect – some days i feel like i’m right back where i started, but that doesn’t last as long * How do you face the fears and worries that you have for your children? * How do my children see me? My spouse? * How can I be the parent my children need? The parent they want? * How can I not transmit my resentment and anger at my spouse to my children? * But: fear of what’s to come in my children’s lives. * What tools do I want to give to my children? * “Pause” * God Box  (kind words, deep breaths) * Acceptance of their emotions * A parent who is approachable and thoughtfully responds rather than reacts Upcoming topics include parenting an alcoholic/addict child, and how recovery has changed the way in which you are a parent. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email [email protected] with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young: Teach Your Children David Haas: The God of Second Chances