Start where you are – Episode 173

Start where you are. Bring your angry self. Bring your despairing self. Bring your resentful and frustrated self. Bring your confused self. And we will meet you there. Sometimes I think I need to be “ready” before I can do something, before I can make a change. But that’s not true of our program. I was able to start where I was, and I can still start where I am. How does this work? How was I able to “start where I am” at each point along the path of recovery? Because recovery is a process, not an event. * Walking into my first meeting. * You met me where I was. You didn’t require that I know anything, that I agree to anything, you just welcomed me. * Step 1: We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable. * My first challenge – what does “powerless” mean? Can I admit that I am “powerless”? How do I recognize the unmanageability of my life? Is this where I am right now? * Step 2: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. * I start into this step where I am: questioning the very existence of a Higher Power. Some start into this step with a vengeful, angry God. No matter where we start, we can find an understanding of this step. * Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. * If my starting point is “the meeting is my HP”, I can look for guidance and wisdom in the meeting, and try to follow that. * Step 4: Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves. * This step has always met me where I was. As my starting point has changed, the inventory has also changed. My new point of view has revealed other aspects of myself, which were not visible earlier. * Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. * My first starting point for this step was “no way!” My second starting point was “there’s some stuff I’m just not going to talk about.” I *think* that, at this time, I’ve admitted all my wrongs, but I might be wrong about that. * Each time, there was power in the step, no matter where I started, and how “well” I did it. The point is to take the step, not to take it perfectly. * Step 6: Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character. * Again, my starting point has “moved” with time. I’ve gone from “well, of course” to “um, not that one!” to “please help me to become willing”. * I didn’t understand this step the first time I “took” it, but I did it anyway. * Step 7: Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings. * What does this step mean if I don't have a concrete idea of G-o-d? * But, I found that, when I ask for help, I find it, and I change. * Step 8: Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all. * The literature suggested that I can group my list into: people I am willing to make amends to, people I might be willing to make amends to, and those people who I was not willing to make amends to. * I started there, and found that my lists changed as I moved into Step 9. * Step 9: Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. * Do the easy ones first, and don't worry about doing it perfectly! * Step 10: Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it. * I started doing this step before I actually got to it. Because I didn't want to add new things to my “Step 4 inventory.”