Seeing Clearly – Episode 157

“Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth.” Our sight, once clouded… * Implies impaired vision * Only able to see a short distance * Lacking perspective * Denial * Paradoxically living in the future * Guilt * Overcompensation * I had a very narrow vision, everything was black or white, all or nothing * Conflict or disagreement was threatening, I did not understand collaboration. And confused…. How was I confused? * Impaired thought processes, * Clouded reality also makes me think of the four M’s: martyrdom, manipulation, mothering and managing * I was a fixer and manager, I thought that would help the situation * I believed I was responsible for everything, I had to do everything for my family * I had no understanding of boundaries, healthy relationships, how to nurture them, * Any feedback or criticism was interpreted as a direct assault * Others came first, always * I did not value myself * I did not believe myself loveable * Believing that I needed to control everything and everyone * Believing I had control over people, places, and things * Not seeing how my life, my behavior, my attitudes had been affected by this disease. We will be able to perceive reality * We climb out of the clouds one step at a time * This is part of the process, it becomes clearer the more we work the steps and use the tools of the program * As I work the steps, I become more able to perceive reality * Decluttering my mind and life prepares me for future growth We will be able to recognize truth * This is a spiritual concept.  We are spiritual beings, not just beings. * Recognize the truth of who and what I am – both positive and negative. * I can only do this when I believe in a higher power that I can count on to care for me * Looking at parts of myself that I don’t like requires it being balanced with acknowledging my assets * Like a tight rope walker with a balancing pole, have to put equal weights on either side or they will fall. * On the other hand, this cleared vision allows me to see the behaviors of those in my life for what they were – sometimes lies, sometimes attempts at manipulating me, unnecessary or inappropriate judging coupled with condescension, sometimes attempts at preserving the status quo as I was changing, * Allowed me to recognize the truth that my loved ones suffered from an addiction and deserved love and compassion, regardless of what choices I made for myself or what stage of their addiction they were in. Readings in this episode are from the Al-Anon book Discovering Choices. This is the third episode in a sequence on the “Gifts of Al-Anon“, which are described on pp. 268-9 of the book