Consequences – Episode 245

Do you try to reduce the consequences of your loved one’s choices and actions?  Do you have trouble enforcing consequences on undesirable behavior by others? con·se·quence ˈkänsikwəns noun * a result or effect of an action or condition. synonyms: result, upshot, outcome, effect, repercussion, ramification, corollary, concomitant, aftermath, after effect; * Setting Consequences * I have to be willing to enforce them. * They should be realistic and relate to the behavior. * They should impact the other person more than me! * What is the difference between “threat” and “consequences”? * When I set a boundary and consequences for violating that boundary, am I attempting to control or manipulate another’s behavior? * Consequences of OTHER people’s behavior – Is NOT my business * When I “do for others what they are capable of doing for themselves”, I set myself up as enabling, and deny them the natural consequences, good or bad, of their actions.  Resentment, disappointment, anger… * When I try to instill consequences, punishment, discipline, I often exacerbate an issue and set myself up yet again, for resentment, disappointment, anger… * A definition of “enabling” that I learned is “getting between someone and the consequences of their actions.” (see Courage to Change January 5, June 16) * Consequences of MY behavior – IS my business * When I take care of myself, … * Feel better * Act better * Cope better * When I do not take care of myself I… * Blame * Resent * Slip into old behavior * Get sick, angry, lonely, tired * Mentioned or implied in several slogans including Live and Let Live, Let Go and Let God, One Day at a Time * Related topics – CONTROL, ENABLING, RESENTMENT, DETACHMENT, BOUNDARIES Resources We read from at least some of these articles. * Al-Anon faces Alcoholism * Unacceptable behavior and consequences (forum thread) * Natural Consequences (Psychology Today) * How to set Healthy Boundaries with Alcoholics and Addicts * Natural Consequences (forum thread) * 50 Quotes on Consequences (Psychology Today) * Consequences on Brainy Quotes Our topic for next week is new topic. Please call us at 734-707-8795 or email [email protected] with your questions or experience, strength and hope. Or just leave a comment right here. Music from the show Ringo Starr: The No No Song TLC: Waterfalls Camila Cabello – Consequences