Saying No (and Yes) in “No”vember – TPW373

In this episode of The Productive Woman we're talking about using "No"vember as a time to consider when and how saying no (and yes) is a healthy thing to do, and how it contributes to making our life better. Knowing when to say no or yes I’ve seen a few posts (including the great quote above from Life on Purpose Movement!) and articles recently referring to this month as “No”vember, meaning a time to think about things to say no to in order to make your life better. It got me thinking about some things we can choose--this month or any month--to say no to as part of our intentional pursuit of a meaningfully productive life--a life that matters. Saying no isn’t about depriving yourself, but about making space for things that really matter. So we’ll also look at what we can say yes to instead. 1. Destructive Comparison As I’ve quoted before, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I’ve seen it attributed to writer C.S. Lewis and former U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt. Joyful, happy people are more productive-and many studies show that. One of the negative effects is that comparison--watching others too closely--can lead to envy, which can drive us to pursue goals we don’t actually care about. We see someone with a certain home or car or job or life and something in us, maybe unconscious, thinks we need that too, and without really being thoughtful and intentional about whether it’s something that actually matters to us. “The most important thing to understand is that there is a huge difference in energy and outcome between seeing other people’s success and using that vision to inspire you, versus beating yourself up mercilessly because you’re not where they are. If comparison makes you feel worthless and demoralized, unable to get what you want and “deserve,” and you resent others for what they have, it’s time to stop comparing or shift your approach to it.”-from When Comparing Yourself to Others Turns Destructive) The alternative is to practice being aware when we’re comparing ourselves and remind ourselves, out loud, that the other person’s life is not mine; she’s walking her path, and I’m walking mine. We can (as the article notes) learn from others and be inspired by the possibilities their achievements demonstrate without condemning ourselves for not being where they are. 2. Unexamined activity (things we agree to do for reasons we don’t like) It often happens around the holidays that we find our schedules full of events, activities, deadlines--whether at work or at home or outside the home. If we have kids at home, we often find their school scheduling concerts or programs or events. Churches often plan holiday programs that members are expected to participate in or attend. Maybe it’s family things--parties or meals with extended family, or gift exchanges. Maybe we are decorating our home or doing extra crafts or cooking or baking.  If they all have meaning for us--bring us joy or contribute in some way to our relationships or our well being--and we’re doing them intentionally and by choice, then these are good. I’m not suggesting that anybody has to stop doing anything that’s meaningful or important to them. I just think “No”vember is a great time to pause and reflect on our calendar and make sure it’s reflecting our values and what matters most to us. Another blog I read quotes an unknown source for a reminder we all need sometimes: “It’s okay to say no (if you don’t want to do it, if you’re already overscheduled,