Invalidating Experience

"Stop crying", "there's nothing wrong with you," and "you shouldn't be upset about that" are all examples of things we can say that can invalidate another's experience. Invalidating experience is to question the foundation or reality of a person's feelings and perception.  This can happen more subtly and inadvertently than we might think - if we're overwhelmed, exhausted, depressed or otherwise distracted. Invalidation can lead to experiences of disconnection, confusion and challenges later in life ranging from an inability to be in touch with emotions and mature emotionally, to a disconnection from, and an inability to be in touch with, needs and desires.  We might need a dose of courage to look honestly at some of the small ways we may unconsciously invalidate our kids (and others), but it's only through a willingness to look that we can start to change things. 

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Om Podcasten

Parenting can lead us to a threshold in life we hadn’t known before. We're bringing into the parenting dynamic with our kids the momentum of our previous experiences - our resources and resilience, as well as our disconnection and disembodiment due to trauma (individual, familial, cultural, historical & intergenerational).  Beyond the challenges we face to parent in ways we may not have been parented, there is a deep love for our children that wants to be expressed and known in presence with them. There's also a yearning in us to experience that deep love ourselves; to feel our power and to live authentically, just as we yearn to protect that for our kids, too. The urgency to heal what's still alive within us might come up with a force because of them, and yet it's ultimately a reclamation of our life force, vitality, joy, connection and creativity we're most hungry for. It’s sometimes a desire bold as love that fuels our courage to meet what we fear to face.