#116 Polyamory & Wedding Planning, Part 1 of 2

Michelle does a prelude to this week’s episode because it is a little (a lot) different than our usual fare. “Polyamory” is defined in Urban Dictionary as The practice, state or ability to have more than one sexual loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved. Michelle describes it as opening up your heart enough to have this kind of arrangement. We know it’s a bit taboo, we know listeners will react in different ways to this episode, but we have a podcast about love and marriage and this is an episode that tells one story in this realm. And you can learn something valuable... Big Takeaways Cassandra emailed Michelle a wedding planning question and mentioned she was having a poly-wedding. Michelle answered her questions and then asked many of her own. This episode is about the journey of planning a non-traditional wedding, and it’s a personal education about what a polyamorous relationship looks like. Tony and Cass are together and monogamous. They decide to have an open relationship and Cass meets Lara and falls in love. Then what? They have to figure out what the ‘rules’ are...how does this work in the long term? It’s not an ‘open relationship’ (although Tony and Cass had an open relationship when they met Lara), polyamory is not a free for all. It’s ‘consensual by agreement’ - as Dr. Fosse explains. There is a difference in each relationship, they aren’t all always equal. Typically, there is a primary couple and then one or both partners have secondary partners. The primary couple agrees on the rules/decisions and is very open and honest through the entire process. Another type of arrangement in a polyamorous family is that all partners are equal in the relationship. It’s possible to switch between the type of arrangement as long as all partners are on the same page. It’s not just ‘cheating’ on each other. It’s not just sex. For our family, Cass, Tony and Lara, it’s love. They want to live a life together, all three of them. Cass and Tony are getting married and Lara is a bridesmaid. How does that work?! Lara is involved in wedding planning. She was involved in the planning of Tony’s proposal. She is a part of their marriage. She’s genuinely happy for Tony and Cass. It’s just working for them. The three subjects in this interview talk to us about their marriage plans, their families, who knows and doesn’t know about their arrangement, future kids, and why this is the right relationship for all of them right now. It’s enlightening and normalizing. And we’re all about that! Links we referenced Dr. Magdalena Fosse https://www.drfosse.com “Queen of Polyamory” (dubbed by her colleagues) https://pcfine.wildapricot.org/Psychodynamic-Couples-Therapy The Big Wedding Planning Podcast is... Hosted and produced by Michelle Martinez. Edited by Veronica Gruba Music by Steph Altman of Mophonics On Instagram @thebigweddingplanningpodcast and be sure to use #planthatwedding when posting, so you can get our attention! Inviting you to become part of our Facebook Group! Join us and our amazing members. Just search for The Big Wedding Planning Podcast Community on Facebook. Easy to get in touch with. Email us at [email protected] or Call and leave a message at 415-723-1625 and you might hear your voice on an episode On Patreon. Become a member and with as little as $6.99 per month, you get 2 exclusive, ad-free episodes, + Zoom Happy Hour with Michelle and fellow patrons every month! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices