Is It an Excuse or Understanding? Why We React the Way We Do

Ever feel frustrated when people say, “That’s just your past talking” or “Your behavior is because of trauma”? Does it feel like an excuse—like a way to avoid responsibility? You’re not alone. In this episode, I break down why understanding why we react the way we do is not about making excuses—it’s about gaining the power to actually change. We’ll explore: ✅ Why trauma has become a buzzword (and why we’re shifting away from it) ✅ How most of our frustrating behaviors are actually about control ✅ A real-life coaching example of how avoiding consequences in parenting wasn’t about discipline—but about fear of disconnection ✅ The difference between understanding a pattern vs. making excuses ✅ Three practical steps to shift your behavior and break out of old cycles This episode is for you if: ✨ You feel stuck in the same patterns and don’t know why ✨ You beat yourself up for not “just doing better” ✨ You want real, practical ways to shift how you show up in your life Key Takeaways: 🔹 Your reactions aren’t random—they come from patterns you developed to feel safe. 🔹 Understanding why you do something doesn’t mean you’re off the hook—it means you finally have the power to change it. 🔹 Next time you feel triggered, ask yourself: What am I really trying to control? 🔹 If you’re struggling with changing a behavior, the issue isn’t discipline—it’s the fear or belief underneath it. Practical Next Steps: 1️⃣ Pause when you feel triggered—instead of trying to fix the behavior, ask “What am I really afraid of?” 2️⃣ Shift from strategy to self-awareness—instead of just trying to “do better,” explore the deeper reason behind your reaction. 3️⃣ Stop waiting for a magic fix—real change comes from understanding, not willpower. Resources & Links: 👉 Want to go deeper? If you're wanting to grab a 1:1 spot to learn how to connect more to yourself- sign up with this link here.   👉 Connect with me on Instagram @chantelallencoaching for more real-time insights and reflections. 👉 Loved this episode? Share it with a friend who needs this reminder today! Show Notes