Lifting the Lid - Episode 49 - The one with the ever so helpful sadist

In this episode, Clare and Steve talk to Simon Cavicchia about his work on shame. Rich with examples, we start with the idea that “shame is the entrance to the self” (Gershen Kaufman), an ever-present potential that does not dare speak its name. The reason it is so present is our human need for connection and our beliefs, perpetuated by introjects from parents, work, society, that “something we've experienced, done, or failed to do makes us unworthy of connection” (Brene Brown). Ouch! The antidote to shame is felt connection, right brain to right brain, the feeling of being welcome. But when we feel shame, we shy away from connection. Such a paradox. We collude with the ego ideals of omnipotence and omniscience, so it’s no wonder we feel shame when we don’t and can’t live up to those ideals, along with so many other ideals. Hence our shame. And all of this shows up in supervision sometimes, albeit often hidden and quiet, not wanting to be exorcised. The Theory and Practice of Relational Coaching: Complexity, Paradox and Integration, by Simon Cavicchia