EP 437: From Trauma to Truth: How to Come Home to Yourself with Dr Thema Bryant

Have you ever felt like you’ve been living as a version of yourself that isn’t quite you—the one who smiles when exhausted, says “I’m fine” when breaking, and keeps the peace even when your soul is screaming for truth? While most healing advice focuses on moving forward, real transformation happens when you come home to yourself. In this powerful episode, psychologist, author, and sacred artist Dr Thema Bryant reveals the journey from trauma to truth and what it truly means to reclaim your authentic self after years of people-pleasing and self-abandonment. The Healer Who Has Healed Dr Thema Bryant isn’t just a psychologist who studies healing—she’s a healer who has walked her own journey through trauma and transformation. As a survivor of sexual violence, she discovered that reclaiming her body through dance protected her relationship with herself during the healing process. With a doctorate in Clinical Psychology from Duke University, post-doctoral training at Harvard Medical Centre’s Victims of Violence Program, and as the 2023 president of the American Psychological Association, Dr Thema combines academic excellence with deeply personal wisdom. Her recently released book, Matters of the Heart (Penguin Random House, February 2025), empowers readers to heal their relationships with themselves and others. What Homecoming Really Means Dr Thema’s most powerful insight: “To come home to myself is to tell myself the truth and to live based on that truth.” When we experience interpersonal trauma, we develop survival mechanisms that disconnect us from ourselves. We become experts at anticipating others’ needs, moulding ourselves to keep the peace, and sending our “representative” instead of our authentic self. This people-pleasing pattern may have kept us safe, but it keeps us living as side characters in our own lives. The Truth About Healing “Healing doesn’t always feel good in the moment. Healing can feel awkward. It can feel messy. I’ve even had some people say it feels fake because they’re used to faking it.” This discomfort triggers our deepest fears of abandonment and rejection. But here’s the liberating truth: you can be real and still be loved. While some people may walk away when you show up authentically, this creates space for genuine connections with kindred spirits who align with your true self. Trauma Affects You, But It Doesn’t Define You Dr Thema reveals how many of us unconsciously make the people who hurt us the central characters in our lives. “Everything we do is in response to them—’I hope they see me now. Wait till they see me now.’ So they’re still the centre of it. I’m trying to prove my worthiness to them.” The gift of healing is removing them from centre stage and showing up fully for your own life. From Surviving to Thriving Dr Thema draws a critical distinction using Maya Angelou’s wisdom: “Surviving is necessary, but thriving is elegant.” Survival is making it through each day. Thriving is developing your gifts, cultivating healthy relationships, building your strengths, and learning to be soft in places you’ve hardened. The journey requires moving beyond just relieving distress to experiencing genuine growth, purpose, and joy. Breaking Generational Patterns Some wounds we have, we actually inherited. Dr Thema encourages us to reflect on which lessons from our parents and ancestors are wisdom worth keeping, which need adjustment, and which should be released entirely. We can honour previous generations without duplicating patterns that no longer serve us. The Boundary Challenge On boundaries, Dr Thema offers revealing insight: from childhood, girls are conditioned through toys and social messaging to prioritise caretaking and self-sacrifice, while boys learn to advocate for themselves and pursue what they want. When you