A case against "normal" and "appropriate" behavior

As kids go through the school systems and grow up in general, they're taught a lot about how to act "appropriately" in different situations. There's a certain set of rules we've deemed to be acceptable, "normal" ways to act. On the contrary, certain behaviors are seen as "inappropriate", "weird", or "undesirable" in some way. But some people are wired differently, making them experience the world differently that "neurotypicals". This may cause them to engage with the world around them in a different way that might not seem "normal" to others. The first instinct a lot of people have is to point out the "inappropriate" behaviors and replace them with "appropriate" ones. The idea is that we want people to do things the "right" way so they can lead successful lives. The problem is that many of these supposedly "appropriate" behaviors can be traumatic or counterproductive to neurodivergents (for example, people with ADHD or autism). And the other issue is that sometimes, "normal" behaviors are simply a set of arbitrary rules that may or may not be necessary 100% of the time (if ever). That's why in this episode, I share part 2 of my 3-part series on the problems with ADHD and autism interventions. In this episode specifically, I challenge listeners to re-examine what they think of as "normal" and "appropriate" behavior. Instead, I invite you to make the shift from "appropriate" to "functional and effective". In this episode, I mentioned the Time Tracking Journal, which is a SIMPLE tool that will help you get through daily routines (like homework) with ease, without bribery, arguments, or constant hand-holding.  The Time Tracking Journal walks you through a strategy you can do in just 10-15 minutes a day that will help kids get tasks done effectively and efficiently, and critical thinking skills and self-confidence at the same time. You can learn how to get instant access here: https://drkarendudekbrannan.com/timejournal The De Facto Leaders podcast was formerly the “Are they 18 yet?®” podcast. As of November 2022, the name of the show has changed, and we’ve shifted from a focus on parenting to a focus on supporting clinicians and educators to design effective services for kids (but parents are still welcome to listen). Episodes published before November 24, 2022 will still contain some of our old branding.