293 | Revel in Better Sex, Intimacy and Relationships With Tanya Brakeman

Welcome back to ADHD reWired. In this episode, we welcome Tanya Brakeman. Tanya is an Interior Designer, writer, teacher, and relationship mentor. She has spent over ten years engaged in the field of transformation leadership. She has developed a curriculum in the study of the erotic discipline called 'Revel, the Audacity of Ecstacy.' Revel is a daringly vulnerable investigation into how we relate to ourselves, influence our relationships, and express our uniqueness in our community and world. Do you treat others better than you treat yourself? Are you wrestling with your self worth? Tanya believes that the acronym for self is a single evident life force, that we are individually unique in this universe. She also discusses restoring our connection to the intelligent erotic life force in such a way that dignity naturally arises, self respect returns, and how empowering it is to trust your own sense of wisdom. Tanya describes the four spheres of influence, why she uses the word erotic, and what she means by it. She asks us if we use our bodies as a source of intuition and listen to it when it is telling us something. They speak about how emotional self-regulation is a core component of ADHD and how, when we express ourselves to the world, we are experiencing ourselves. Listen in as Tanya tells us how she dealt with her abusive childhood, how she overcame it and decided not to be a victim. She chats about sexual expression and not being afraid to discuss what you want or what you need even when that includes BDSM.  This is a conversation about finding one’s self in, eroticism, intimacy, and relationships and how ADHD can affect it. If any of this resonates with you, grab a snack, plugin and learn how to express yourself. Your Resources: Tanya on | | | You'll Learn: [03:20] Welcome to the show, Tanya! [03:51] Tanya discusses why she got into the study of sex, love, and intimacy and how it changed her life. [05:49] Have you heard of the sex-positive community? [07:30] They speak about 50 Shades of Grey and how that opens up conversations that might have thought were tabu until then. [10:09] Tanya discusses how and why people misuse sex, love, and intimacy and how that affected her as a young child. [13:28] Just because your body can be aroused doesn't mean that you like what is happening. [23:22] Tanya talks about the four spheres of influence and what they mean. [26:10] She explains erotic the way she uses it, not the plasticized way the world uses it. [28:51] Do you listen to your body as your sense of intuition? Do you trust your gut? [31:30] She discusses restoring the connection to the intelligent erotic life force. [34:25] Emotional self-regulation is a core component of ADHD; it's essential to recognize it. [36:15] As we express ourselves in the world, we experience ourselves. [37:15] Tanya chats about her wedding in 30 days, and she hasn't started planning it yet. [39:42] They speak of her love story and how her finance pointed out that she had ADHD. [42:03] There is a difference between bodily urges and knowing. [45:15] The body and the mind coming together is the core point, no matter how you get there. [46:08] Tanya tells us what nurture is all about. [51:00] Do you have real self-respect? Do you have a deeply embodied sense of dignity? [54:54] Do you ever have conversations with your children about sex, love, intimacy, and power? [57:40] Tanya talks to us about the subject of sexual intelligence, sexual expression. [59:10] "Everything in the world is about sex, except sex and sex is about power." [1:00:33] How do we find you, Tanya? [1:02:00] Tanya tells us her adult children are her wedding planners. [1:04:52] If you're a regular listener, consider becoming a patron and on our Patreon at Use my Audible.com affiliate link for your favorite titles: ADHD reWired Coaching and Accountability Groups The 16th season of the ADHD reWired Coaching and Accountability groups are ending soon.  ArC 17 Summer Sessions run July 11th – Sept. 19th. We only have 9 spots remaining. Please visit to learn more and sign-up for our Last Scheduled Registration Event on June 11th at 3 PM CT.  You don’t want to miss it! Support the Podcast on Patreon Patreon allows listeners like you to support content creators like me. With a monthly contribution, you can get access to different levels of perks.  One perk example is our Patron-only Group Coaching Sessions. Learn more at . ADHD reWired Facebook Group: If you would like to apply to join the ADHD reWired Secret Facebook group, go to and fill out the application. Productivity Q&A Get your ADHD questions answered live! These Q&A sessions take place on the 2nd Tuesday of every month at 12:30 PM CT. Go to Want to be a guest? Hey! What about you? Do you have a story? Are you a coach? Are you an ADHD Clinician? If you answered yes to any of these questions and you’d like to be a guest, .